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July 01 放弃,也许是一个新的开始不光对我,对大家也许都是,当我无法强迫自己和云间的步伐一致时,我能做的,也许只有退出.
努力了这么久,却突然在这个时候放弃,很多人会骂我恨我,怪我在云间最困难的时候抛弃了它.可有谁知道我为它付出了多少...我的20岁,我的梦想,全部寄托在它身上!可现在我不能为它做任何事,又要回到那浑浑噩噩的日子中去,那种痛苦,我不晓得自己还能不能承受得起...
可是我没法说服自己不离开.当发现自己和它越走越远,却又无法追回的时候,放手也就理所应当...说我不负责任也好,自私也好,我都可以忍受,但请相信我,这是为云间好.... April 08 不睡觉妞妞睡不着．．．．．．
妞妞心情不好～
妞妞想哭又想笑～ 妞妞有梦想． 如果我有尾巴，我要爬到树上，
或者给我翅膀，我能飞的比天更高．
最好两样都有，鱼儿水中游，
睁着眼睛永不闭牢．
不过两样都不给我．．．
我也不能哭闹．．．
只能睡觉．．． 梦里做到就好．．． 睡不着～
当失眠成为习惯～～ 痛苦还是快乐～～～ 无法享受睡觉的乐趣 父母也在担心～～～ ．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．． March 24 STANMy tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I.. got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window.. and I can't see at all And even if I could it'll all be grey, put your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.. My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I.. got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window.. and I can't see at all And even if I could it'll all be grey, put your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.. Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em but anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter? My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her? I'ma name her Bonnie I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was fat Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan This is Stan My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I.. got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window.. and I can't see at all And even if I could it'll all be grey, put your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.. Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance I ain't mad I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew That's my little brother man, he's only six years old We waited in the blistering cold for you, four hours and you just said, "No." That's pretty shitty man you're like his fuckin idol He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to Remember when we met in Denver you said if I'd write you, you would write back see I'm just like you in a way I never knew my father neither he used to always cheat on my mom and beat her I can relate to what you're saying in your songs so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7 But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose Sincerely yours, Stan P.S. We should be together too My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I.. got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window.. and I can't see at all And even if I could it'll all be grey, put your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.. Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans, this'll be the last package I ever send your ass It's been six months and still no word - I don't deserve it? I know you got my last two letters; I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive? You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night" about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning but didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a a show he found him? That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning Now it's too late - I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call I hope you know I ripped +ALL+ of your pictures off the wall I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me See Slim Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk! Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk but I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out? {*car tires squeal*} {*CRASH*}.. {*brief silence*} .. {*LOUD splash*} My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I.. got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window.. and I can't see at all And even if I could it'll all be grey, put your picture on my wall It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.. Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she? Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that and here's an autograph for your brother, I wrote it on the Starter cap I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too? I say that shit just clownin dogg, c'mon - how fucked up is you? You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling to help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some And what's this shit about us meant to be together? That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other I really think you and your girlfriend need each other or maybe you just need to treat her better I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine if you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan I just don't want you to do some crazy shit I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge and had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid and in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to Come to think about, his name was.. it was you Damn! STAN我的茶凉了，为什么…… [Stan]
[Stan]
[Stan] 亲爱的从不回信的先生。
一个测试E、约翰-纳什
■科学家脸谱 纳什（John Forbes Nash Jr，1928-6-13）1994年如愿以偿，因对博弈论的研究而荣获诺贝尔经济学奖。1958年纳什曾特别想获得数学界的最高奖菲尔兹奖，但当年的奖项颁给了搞突变论的托姆和搞代数的罗斯。但1958年是纳什有可能获得该奖的最后机会了。 纳什是普林斯顿有名的数学天才，却在风华正茂、创造力最佳之际患精神分裂症，在随后的30年中几乎成为一个废人，但他最后竟然奇迹般地康复了。1995年普林斯顿大学打算向他支付3万美元，出版他的选集，纳什没有同意。他的想法是，自己还没有失去创造力，将来可以并且一定能够出版选集，那时还可以收入康复后的数学创造论文。就是这样一位数学奇才，在诺贝尔奖揭晓之际讲了三件事，一般人想不到的三件事：1。他希望得奖能够改变自己的信用评级；2。他更希望自己能够独享诺贝尔奖，因为他太需要那笔钱，他要为自己的住房支付欠款；3。他认为自己的博弈论研究是与超弦理论类似的高度智力课题，其实用性也许是次要的或者可疑的。 性格基因 你是个自我压抑的人，对于事情的看法比较悲观，虽然害怕挫折和痛苦，面对变局时，仍能冷静以对，这是你最与众不同之处。你的成长过程并不如外界或自己期待的顺利，感情的路走来也不算顺遂。身心的负面经验，让你自小就比一般人来得早熟，对于死亡与性的感受深刻，一生似乎都在这两个议题中打转。对于自我要求相当严格的你，全身上下总是上紧发条很难完全放松。你要小心自己有自残或是习惯自舔伤口的倾向。对于喜欢的事物，可以一头栽进去而无法自拔，对于不感兴趣的事物，则是碰都不想碰，对于人你也是如此。 ■生命路线 你是一个意志力很强、干练、早熟，但不怎么快乐的人，不管年纪多大，总是给人一种老成的感觉。如何变得更豁达、真正快乐的善待自己，是你必须致力的课题。你性格的矛盾和痛苦点，经常透过感情和与家人的互动展现出来。经常为他人牺牲，但末了又会心不甘情不愿，这样的人生是浪费能量且毫无意义的。对于酒精、咖啡因、尼古丁和药物的摄取量要节制，否则会受制于这些有害物质。性的压抑会衍生成对很多事物的不满。学会用「减法」过日子，才能真正领悟有「舍」才有「得」的道理。 -------------------------------------------------------------
嗜血的疯子，矛盾和痛苦的焦点，自我欺骗、自我放逐，脑子8正常，把枪当古额...... |
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